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About octoberthoughtspdx

I used to write. In fact, I wrote continuously from the age of 10 until I was about 28. Then I stopped. No more words. Done. I went to school. Several different ones, at that. And I had a series of jobs that didn't make me entirely happy but paid the bills and bought me coffee. And then, in the fall of 2010, while working 40-45 hours a week, taking classes most nights and weekends, I found NaNoWriMo. And I found my words. And I started writing them down. I'm sure my story is not unique, but I think my voice is. I have stories to tell. I have all these angry characters I've been toting around with me but have been refusing to write. And when I say they're angry, I mean they're PISSED that they've been cooped up so long. They do not lend themselves easily to romantic comedy so I guess I won't be writing any.

Strike force

For many of us, the possibility of a strike by MLS players just as the season is set to begin has been something that we’ve relegated (see what I did there) to a dark corner of our minds. And here we are, just days away from the opening dates of the MLS calendar and the players are still looking for free agency and the owners, well, we don’t know what they want because they aren’t talking.

But there are a fair number of folks that have no idea that a strike could be on the horizon. They’re gleefully, blissfully unaware. They may be your friends, your neighbors, the people who sit in front of you at games. I worry about them.

I worry that they won’t get it. I worry that, if the time comes, they’ll be more concerned with what their time is worth than they are with what the players are worth.

The players are gathered in a hotel in DC and have, both literally and figuratively, drawn the blinds. We don’t know what’s happening there, just that they’re still there, still meeting, even as MLS officials have reportedly left the building.

Watching Twitter, people I know are exchanging anecdotes about people who didn’t see this coming, who until very, very recently didn’t know a strike and/or a work stoppage were possibilities.

Gleefully, blissfully unaware.

This. This is where it might all fall apart for the players.

Fans of MLS clubs, like it or not, fall mostly into the casual category. They might be season ticket holders. They might even wear the scarves of the local supporters group. But do they really, in great numbers, have any idea this is happening?

I support the players and, should the vote to strike, I will continue to support the players. I’m not so sure those thousands of casual fans will.

So, this is my challenge to you, fellow supporters of MLS clubs: talk about this. Talk to everyone you know who has even a passing interest in MLS, or soccer as a whole, or even just sports. Make sure they know. Make sure they’re paying attention to the scant reporting that’s being done on the subject. Look to Jeffrey Carlisle (@jeffreycaslisle on Twitter) or Brian Strauss (@brianstrauss) or Steven Goff (@soccerinsider) for links and explanations of what’s going on. Or, for a slightly more clandestine account of the proceedings, check out Aaron Stollar (@aaronstoll) and Brooke Tunstall (@yessthatbrooke) who might still be standing in the parking lot of the hotel and are worth a Twitter follow if only to see if they’ve frozen to death.

And, should it come to a strike, I would urge you to make your views known to the teams themselves. Write letters. Actual letters. Don’t just bombard your ticket rep with angry emails, make your words mean something. Make them tangible. Pen on paper.

If you follow the players on Twitter, reach out to them. Let them know you stand with them. They’ll likely take a lot of crap from people who have no idea what’s going on.

Further still, if we reach game day with no actual game being played, make sure you hit your usual game day haunts. Bartenders and servers at bars and restaurants around MLS stadiums will be missing those tips. The effect of a strike reaches far outside the gates of the stadium.

Maybe we’ll wake up in the morning and all of this will have been resolved. Good. Either way, see you all this weekend at the bar by the stadium.

 
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Posted by on March 3, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Storming the castle

It’s snowing in Glasgow. Cars are skidding off roads, people are being warned to stay home if they can. The Hearts/Rangers match was just abandoned after 20-some odd minutes, with many in attendance saying it should never have begun.

But the abandonment of the match won’t be the story of tonight. Tonight will be remembered for something entirely different.

Tonight is when the support, recently so fractured and difficult to navigate, finally came together for one cause: to voice their frustration with those charged with the survival of a club on the brink of collapse.

Decisions made by the board have left the club in shambles, have left the coffers nearly empty, have left so many of us wondering if we’ll make it through to the end of the season without seeing administration again. Those who have stepped forward to help, to invest, to secure the survival of Rangers have been turned away in favor of others whose sole purpose is to turn a bit of a profit before moving on to the next project.

Within the last few days, we’ve reached the point where enough was finally enough: risking security over Ibrox in exchange for a few dollars, the sale of Lewis McLeod to, in essence, keep the lights on, the complete and utter disregard for supporters.

Fans are gathering outside the gates of Ibrox now, an hour after the game was abandoned. Finally. I hope they stay there until the future is secure.

 
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Posted by on January 16, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Are you having fun?

A bunch of different things have happened over the last few days in Soccerlandia. We’ve been arguing about scarves, we watched a team get parted out and, my personal favorite part of this week, Ted Westervelt called me “plastic.” Then he backtracked and called the Timbers plastic. Or something. I don’t even know.

A friend of mine, a friend I might not have made were it not for soccer, tweeted something disturbing a couple days ago. She suggested that becoming a supporter of a professional soccer team was perhaps the single worst decision she’d made in the last five years.

She doesn’t mean it. It’s just that some days are much, much more frustrating than others.

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last few weeks considering the advice of someone I consider one of my “soccer elders.” It’s a question he asked me a couple years ago and has posed several times since: if it’s not fun anymore, why do it?

I’ll say this out in public, this thing that I’ve said to just a few people in private: parts of the last year in Soccerlandia have not been fun for me. Very little of that not-fun-feeling is actually tied to the game. It’s the crazy that surrounds it: the internet trolls and the my-support-is-bigger-than-yours folks and politics of supporters’ culture and and and…

Meh. Sometimes, I just want to watch the game. I want to go to the stadium or the local bar and have a beer and watch the game with my friends. That’s it.

I don’t want to argue pro/rel. I don’t want to worry that the management of the league (MLS, NWSL or otherwise) will eventually spell doom for my club (or anyone else’s). I don’t want to guess what the rules for allocation or expansion drafts are. I don’t want to wonder when the players who are playing for other teams overseas during the North American offseason are going to show up. I don’t care that Arsene thinks MLS is a retirement league, or that Jurgen’s way of doing things doesn’t mesh with what Don thinks. I don’t want to wonder if Craig Whyte’s been arrested or if Hope Solo’s trial is being set over again.

I just want to watch the game. I cannot wait for the offseason to be over.

In our earlier Twitter discussion, I asked Ted when the last time was that he actually enjoyed a game. He didn’t answer.

That makes me sad.

 
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Posted by on November 20, 2014 in ThornsFC, Timbers

 

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A thin (red) line between love and hate

I fell in love again last night.

I fell in love with the bartender who called me “pretty lady” during happy hour before the game. I fell in love with they Arsenal boys in 210 and the knitting ladies of 108. I fell in love with the ladies who sat to my left and right and the gentleman who sat behind me and bought me drinks. I fell in love with Timbers Jim and Joey and the guy in the ADA section in front of us with the flashing disco lights on his chair whose name I do not know.

I fell in love with billowing smoke and waving flags and the songs we’ve sung a thousand times.

I fell in love with the movement on the field, with Caleb Porter’s cheeky footwork on the touchline, with every bit of Diego Valeri.

With two games left in the regular season, I’m lovestruck.

Lovestruck, but not blind to the reality of the Timbers’ situation.

Two games left and hovering near the red line, hoping another team drops points.

The social media firestorm today was, as we all know, focused on a game the Timbers won’t play.

Vancouver, currently on 43 points and nestled just below the Timbers (45 points) in the Western Conference standings, will travel to play Seattle, a team that’s safely tucked into a playoff berth and currently at the top of the division. With a win, Vancouver overtakes the Timbers’ current above-the-red-line position and retains the Cascadia Cup.

I like Vancouver. It’s a great city. I like Canadians. The Southsiders I’ve had the pleasure of meeting have been nothing but delightful, even that one that I hold responsible for my February bout with food poisoning. If the Cup can’t come home to Portland, I’d rather it stay in Canadaland where I know it will be safe and properly looked after.

But a Whitecaps win digs a hole for the Timbers to (again) climb out of in order to secure a playoff spot.

A Seattle friend (yes, I have those) asked me to explain why Portland folks would be so opposed to even remotely, quietly, privately cheering for a Seattle win.

It’s complicated. Some feel this hatred of Seattle so deeply that, despite a Seattle win increasing Portland’s playoff hopes, there’s no possible way they could or would cheer for it.

I can’t get behind that. It isn’t because of any deeply-rooted hatred of Seattle. It’s because I hate math.

More specifically, I hate late-season, point-scraping math wherein we desperately need to take every point AND desperately hope that at least one of our rivals drops points.

Win outright. Win early. Win often. Don’t hang your hopes on another team’s results.

If the points fall in such a way that the Timbers find themselves in the playoffs, this will all be forgotten again. We’ll be told that it doesn’t really matter how we got there. Sliding in ass-backward counts just the same as finishing the season at the top of the league.

The Timbers were nine games into the season before notching their first win. Nine games, two full months into the season. Five draws and three losses came before game nine, a 3-2 win over DC United, the only Eastern Conference team to have clinched a playoff spot thus far.

So, I don’t care that the Timbers front office thought it was a good idea to give us permission to root for our rivals. Honestly, I thought it was cute, if misguided. Nobody’s perfect.

Regardless of tomorrow’s result, it’s possible that we won’t know for sure what our postseason looks like until after the Timbers’s final regular season match on the 25th. I need a hug.

Friday, October 10
Vancouver at Seattle, 7 p.m.

Friday, October 17
Real Salt Lake at Portland, 7 p.m.

Saturday, October 18
Vancouver at San Jose, 7:30 p.m.

Saturday, October 25
Portland at Dallas, 5:30 p.m.
Colorado at Vancouver, 7 p.m.

 
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Posted by on October 9, 2014 in Timbers

 

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A life well-lived.

Somewhere along the line, I read or heard that the ancient Greeks did not eulogize their dead, they simply asked,”Did he live with passion?” I don’t know if this is true, but it’s still a pretty good measure of a life well-lived.

I went to a memorial service today for a man I never met. As is the case with basically every memorial service I’ve ever been to, I didn’t want to go.

But having had the opportunity to listen to his friends and family and coworkers and co-cretors speak with such love and such loss about the passionate life he lived, I’m honored to have been invited.

They spoke of his compassion and his patience in working with patients at the Oregon State Hospital. They told stories of his generosity, his sometimes unorthodox fashions, his love of his wife and the kind, character-building way he raised his children.

They told stories of his zebra stripe-painted car, so distinctive in a sea of charcoal grey sedans. It was a reflection of his life. It was a part of his being, so much so that many people in attendance wore zebra-striped armbands or other accessories to commemorate it.

I left there grateful for the experience. I left there knowing there’s a hole in the community he left behind and wondering what any of us can do to fill it. I left there hoping I live a life worthy of a celebration such as his.

A public memorial will be Sunday at 5 p.m. at Terry Shrunk Plaza at SW Third and Jefferson and even if you, like me, did not know him, I’d encourage you to go both in support of his family and for the experience of learning a little about a man who lived his life fully and with great passion.

His son wrote, “Participants are encouraged to bring a candle, and to have fun dressing in whatever you feel is appropriate to honor him and/or amuse yourself and others. This is a gathering for really anyone in the community that wants to come and be there for us, as well as share silly stories about my dad.”

In lieu of flowers, the family has requested donations be made to Doctors Without Borders, Little Kids Rock, New Oregon Arts & Letters, or the Salvation Army Portland Tabernacle.

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Snapshots

Today was another one of those days that, when I look back over it, is comprised of snapshots.

Sitting in the parking garage at 8:30 this morning, waiting for my phone to charge.

The concern at only finding a handful of people at the airport when I got there and the ensuing contentedness when we were joined by several dozen others.

The moment when one of the PDX security guards revealed her season ticket holder status. And then the moment when she had her picture taken with a returning Thorn.

The tears in the eyes of players when they saw us, waiting for them, despite their loss in Kansas City.

Leaving the airport while, presumably, Nadine was still hugging people and thanking them for coming.

The walk to the stadium with Nissa. Non-welcoming gestures toward the ECS buses.

A mimosa at Oscar Drake’s. A hug from steward Greg. Heidi flinching every time I moved. More hugs from Sunshine and Shecky and Chris and Kris and Nick and Cindy.

Singing for Special Olympics players. Gorgeous tifo.

Adi’s first goal. Passing the log slice up into the 200s. Resignation.

A few friends at a crappy Mexican restaurant. Something about too much lettuce and a margarita that was too tart. Delicate palates.

An Irish bar, a dram of whisky, laughing at the impossible-to-follow conversation between the Irishman and the Argentine. The warm, fuzzy feeing brought on by a shared distaste.

This was my Sunday in Soccer City, USA. We greeted our returning Thorns the morning after their playoff loss in Kansas City. We filled ProPark for the Timbers, only to watch them lose 4-2 to our most contentious rival.

The results of each game are momentary. It’s everything else that I hope to remember. Much love to all of you.

 
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Posted by on August 24, 2014 in ThornsFC, Timbers

 

Still believing

“Love has a way of turning you inside out. Teasing you and leaving you anguished. And then, when it seems that hope and belief is all that’s left, love lifts you higher than ever before, allowing you to glimpse the dream. Never, ever give up. Believe beyond reason.”

This week has been a whirlwind. World Cup, a midweek trip to Starfire, a last-minute scramble to hitch a ride north for a second time this week. More World Cup. The arrival (finally) of Liam Ridgewell. Add to that trip-planning for a weekend in Victoria to see Rangers and the late-night post from RFC Official of Kris Boyd at the airport and I’m as close to the edge as I’ve been in a very long time.

And I wouldn’t give any of it up for anything.

Two years ago, I got mad and wrote something and people responded. Then I wrote a little more and more voices joined the conversation. I never expected to write for anyone but myself, but then one of my posts blew up and I finally felt like I’d found my place.

I’ve written for several publications since, Slide Rule Pass and Prost Amerika getting most of my words. I have a piece in the latest issue of WATP Magazine and have signed on to do something (though I don’t know what) at Twelve.

I never could have imagined the people I would meet or the places I would end up when I started writing.

In the morning, I’ll head north to Seattle once more. It will be loud and crowded and overwhelming and anxiety-inducing just as it always is. And I’ll try to capture it in words as it happens. And, if my luck holds, a few of you might read what I write. For that, I thank you.

 
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Posted by on July 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Not good enough

I keep going back to Vero Boquete in that presser after her first match in Portland. “It’s not good enough.”

And it isn’t. From either team.

The Thorns played to a 2-all draw at home yesterday afternoon. The first half was beautiful. Good pace, well-placed passes, and enough scrappy play to put two goals past Karina. With orders going into the second half to get that third goal and put the game away, they did pretty much the opposite.

The Timbers then played to a 2-all draw on the road at LA last night. They were scored on first, fought back, took the lead and then lost it to an own goal.

Not good enough.

We’ve spent the season – both seasons – hearing the same talking points from both coaches, all the stuff about keeping the lows high and the highs low, about motivation not being an issue, about this thing and that thing and never actually getting to the root of the problem.

Both clubs are lacking leadership.

I love Will Johnson. I really do. He’s tough, he’s hard-nosed, he’s not afraid of a challenge. But somehow, he’s just not himself this season. He gets caught in awkward situations and has acquired a hesitation when he finds the ball at his feet. Do I go this way? Do I go that way? Do I spin around in a circle?

And while he’s trying to figure out which direction to go, he’s not leading. It pains me to say it. He was the captain the Timbers needed in 2013. I’m not sure he’s the one they need in 2014.

With a new coach and a new direction, former captain Jack Jewsbury was asked to step back and it seemed a weight was lifted from his shoulders. Since giving up the armband, Jack has been dependable, focused and a reliable option when called on. I can’t help but wonder if a few games on the bench wouldn’t do something the same for Will.

I’m asking a similar question about Christine Sinclair. When the first roster additions were announced for the Thorns last year, it wasn’t Alex Morgan who got my attention, it was Christine Sinclair. I was thrilled when she was appointed captain but, with the team faltering, I don’t see her leadership on the field. I understand that she isn’t perhaps as demonstrative as others who’ve been charged with captaining their squads, and I get that she lives a dual life as the Canadian WNT captain, but she has not been as effective with the Thorns as she should be.

When watching the Thorns, I don’t see that passion, that fire from her that I expect from a captain who is trying to drive her side forward. I see it elsewhere on the field, but I don’t see it from her. With Paul Riley’s post-match comments yesterday about Sinc not starting because of issues with fatigue and a tightly-packed schedule over the next few weeks, maybe it’s time to move in a different direction.

Ugh.

It is, as was reiterated in a somewhat tipsy fashion to me last night by someone who has far greater knowledge than I, a simple thing to place blame on the coaching, but at a certain point, we have to look to the players to take things into their own hands. If you occupy that position of leadership on the field, you have to use it. It isn’t enough to drop “brain of a goldfish” in a post-match interview or to shrug and say the team has to work harder. You have to be the difference. You have to be the motivator. You have to be the captain both on and off the field.

Without changes, I won’t be surprised to see both teams miss out on the playoffs this year. I won’t be surprised because, though I love them deeply and despite having rosters that can and should get them there, they’re just not good enough.

 
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Posted by on July 5, 2014 in ThornsFC, Timbers

 

A perfect night for some footy.

It was another one of those nights.

Calls went against us, the result wasn’t what it should have been, we left the stadium disappointed.

Except I’m not really that disappointed.

I got to spend a few minutes pre-match with a friend who, more than anything right now, needs the family she’s found within the Timbers Army around her. She’s going through stuff I can’t begin to imagine and this, even with this stupid result, was time off from real life: a few hours among caring, supportive friends who would do anything within their power to change things for her if they could.

Inside the stadium before the game began, I had the honor of officiating the marriage of two people I’m proud to call my friends. They’ve been together for years and some of their first dates were Timbers matches. I am honored to have been a part of their celebration and Im proud to live in a place that will now, finally, legally recognize their commitment to each other.

I got to stand next to my friend Heidi, in front of Cindy and Joe, with Gabby and Kevin and Alice and MarySue and so many others who I love dearly. And, when Urruti scored his goal, Kris appeared from I don’t even know where and hugged me so hard I thought he’d broken my shoulder.

This is soccer in Portland.

We love the game, this beautiful and sometimes painful game. We love our players, even those whose faults outweigh their talents. We breathe it all in. It sustains us. It drives us.

At the end of the day, our experience is more than the game. It is love. True, passionate, all-encompassing love.

And, win or lose, I’ll never get tired of sharing it with all of you.

 
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Posted by on June 2, 2014 in Timbers

 

Open letter to Danny O’Rourke

Hi, Danny. Welcome to Portland and, more importantly, congrats on your new contract with the Timbers.

We’ve had a weird couple of years here. We got a new coach last year and he seems pretty solid. He took a team that had spiraled out of control in 2012 and brought them to within one game of the MLS Cup in 2013. By all accounts, he’s pretty great. I’m guessing you know this already.

The problem is this: something’s gone haywire this season. The defense isn’t working. The midfield has been less-than-stellar and the team just isn’t scoring. Over a third of the way through the season and we’ve only picked up two wins. It’s super weird.

So, we got a new striker. He seems like a nice enough guy. He managed an assist on his first touch when he’d basically come straight from the airport.

And now we’ve got you. No pressure, but we sure hope you’re the answer to all our questions. Most folks are hoping that you’ll help shore up a back line that has been, at best, leaky.

Me? I’m hoping you bring fire. The Timbers have been missing their spark, which is a really weird thing to say when we have guys like Will Johnson and Pa Kah on the field.

Anyway, best of luck to you. Hope to see you get some time at Chivas but, if not, we’ll see you at the park on Sunday.

Cheers,

Kristen

Oh, just a heads-up: Merritt might seem a little wacky sometimes, but he’s mostly harmless. Maybe don’t mention alligators to him for a while.

It’s the ginger you have to watch out for.

 
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Posted by on May 27, 2014 in Timbers

 

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