What’s this new guy’s name? Diego Diskerud? Inigo Montoya? Johnny John Johnson? Something like that?

And he got on a plane from Nairobi today via Middle-earth to come to Portland to finalize the details of his seven year loan to the Timbers where he will play right back, left back and center attacking mid to the tune of $45k per year or $1.7mil per year or a used Toyota Camry, a couple of deflated beach balls and a bag of Swedish fish?

Oh, he’s not coming? Where did you hear that? Oh, his mom’s gardener’s neighbor’s dry cleaner posted something on Reddit in Portuguese?

Of course. I thought so.

You people and your gossip and your rumors and your innuendo are wearing me out. We’ve cycled through them all at least twice at this point. Stuff that was whispered in early November is resurfacing and recirculating and, quite frankly, it’s making me dizzy and mean.

I’ll admit it. I fell into the Mix Diskerud trap. I started learning Norwegian, started looking up recipes for krumkake and lefse, briefly considered the purchase of a flag to drag around with me for the entirety of the upcoming season.

I’m not doing that anymore. I’m saving my sanity by, very simply, waiting to see who’s in town on the 19th and who shows up at the field on the 21st. And, even then, I’m not going to be too attached to players until we’re through to the preseason tourney at JWF. There’s plenty of time in that first month for Dike to, well, Dike people.

And then? Game on.

Unless, of course, someone starts a rumor about a German defender tomorrow. Then I’ll be looking at flags again and pounding out schnitzel.