Remember in January when I flipped out at you guys about your gossip and your rumors and your innuendo? Well, I’m full of all those things right now and I’m absolutely going to blame it on the heat.

We’re still a little over a week out from the transfer window opening. Rumors are coming fast and furious, each seemingly crazier than the last.

But here we are in Portland, pretty comfortable with what we have and with no pressing need at the moment. This is a nice change of pace from the frenetic one we experienced in the offseason.

And yet, there still seems to be some expectation of movement. And, because it’s ridiculously hot and I’m a delicate creature, I’ve been prone to wild theories and conjecture just like everyone else. I’ve even come up with a little of my own.

Let’s just go ahead and talk about Boca, shall we?

I started hassling my main source at Rangers last week. He’s a good guy, but wasn’t in a position to tell me much of anything at the time. This was before the Boca-Leaves-Rangers announcement had come out and we were just playing a game of Where in the World is Carlos Bocanegra. We briefly discussed that, while Boca wanted to play for Gers, there was no way the club could continue to pay his salary. So, Unnamed Source said he’d text Boca and then promptly went radio silent.

And then the announcement came a couple days later, complete with an indication that a stint at Chivas might be in play.

Chivas. Chivas?!

If there’s any club in MLS that’s in more turmoil than Chivas, that club has managed to keep it a whole lot quieter than the Goats have. And now, just hours ago, they’ve announced the departures of four players. For crying out loud. What are they doing?

Clearing space for Boca.

But wait, they’re like sixteenth in the allocation order, aren’t they? Yes. Yes, I do believe they are. And even with those four guys gone, do they have enough cap space for Boca?

And this is where I start blaming the heat for my mad ravings.

Officially, Toronto has the number one spot in the allocation rankings. But, because of that not-officially-documented handshake with Merritt Paulson during the race to get Mix Diskerud and Ryan Johnson, that number one spot gets theoretically passed to Portland.

Thus, if Portland wants Boca, Portland gets him. Done.

But Boca is a So-Cal guy. Went to UCLA, has family there. A handful of the Boca stories out there cite his desire to be on the West Coast and, over the last couple days, others have said he’s interested in being back in California.

So, what will it be? The Galaxy? They made a pretty crazy move to get Robbie Rogers. Would they make another one to get Boca?

The other LA option is, sadly, Chivas. Chivas who just sent four guys packing. Chivas who, to my untrained eyes, only have one player who might be of the caliber that Portland would want should Boca first get picked up here through allocation.

And thus, my crazy is revealed: Merritt signs Boca, then trades him to Chivas for Dan Kennedy. So long, Jake Gleeson, it’s been nice knowing you. You, too, Milos Kocic. I liked you, but Dan Kennedy.

See? Crazy. I told you. Seriously, if I don’t get air conditioning soon….