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About octoberthoughtspdx

I used to write. In fact, I wrote continuously from the age of 10 until I was about 28. Then I stopped. No more words. Done. I went to school. Several different ones, at that. And I had a series of jobs that didn't make me entirely happy but paid the bills and bought me coffee. And then, in the fall of 2010, while working 40-45 hours a week, taking classes most nights and weekends, I found NaNoWriMo. And I found my words. And I started writing them down. I'm sure my story is not unique, but I think my voice is. I have stories to tell. I have all these angry characters I've been toting around with me but have been refusing to write. And when I say they're angry, I mean they're PISSED that they've been cooped up so long. They do not lend themselves easily to romantic comedy so I guess I won't be writing any.

Boyd underground: Glasgow local edition

Okay, so I’m Cubbie today. I’ve got a source who’s asked not to be named. If you know me, it shouldn’t be too hard to find out who it is, but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t start harrassing him for any more info. He’s a good guy and has been very gracious in dealing with me at length over the last ten months.

Yes, Boyd is training with Rangers. Yes, Smith is training there, too. Yes, Kenny Miller is there as well. My source tells me it feels a lot like 2009 at the Rangers training grounds.

So, my guy in Glasgow had a chance to chat with Kris for a bit today. Kris is optimistic, says he’s training hard in an attempt to be fully fit and ready to impress Caleb Porter straight off at the Timbers’ training camp in January.

Yeah, that’s not much in the way of an exclusive bit of information, but it tells me this: Boyd wants to be ready for whatever opportunity is afforded him and he’s absolutely planning on being here in January. But, lest the entirety of the Boyd Underground get its collective hopes up, there’s still a lot of time between now and January 19th.

But Kris likes Portland. He likes the passion of the Timbers organization and the culture that surrounds it. If the decision is truly his, that goes a long way for a guy who spent years playing for some of the most passionate soccer supporters in the world.

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2012 in Timbers

 

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Well, that was…something.

I’m fine. Really.

Numb. Frayed at the edges. A couple bruises. Nothing I didn’t expect from Day One of Rostergeddon.

Kimura to NYRB. Purdy, Palmer and, possibly, Wallace out. Brunner to Houston. Smith gone.

That’s right.

Brunner to Houston. Smith gone.

I thought I’d prepared myself for this. With the leaks Sunday, it didn’t appear that we’d have any huge surprises. And, theoretically, we didn’t. I just wasn’t ready to let go.

Brunner was unexpected, but understandable. And, as I said yesterday, I fully expect that both my Scots are already gone. But the confirmation of the first departure, which came from Smith himself via Twitter, stunned me anyway.

I know this is a business and everything that happened today was a business decision. I know this.

But it’s a business where we share our highs and lows, our failures and our triumphs on a very personal level. It’s become clear to me that I feel it more than many. Over the last six months, I’ve come to envy those who don’t take it to heart as much as I do. They live happier, simpler lives.

Happier and simpler, but without the same color. Even on a painful day such as this, I wouldn’t trade a minute of despair for a moment of being blissfully unaware.

For every day like this one, there is another. For every day of loss, there is a day of victory.

I took the Kenny Cooper trade pretty hard last year, but I was rewarded (I know some of you will debate whether this was an actual reward or not) with Kris Boyd. The CalFC match was by far one of the lowest points of the season, but the win over Seattle followed quickly. Spenny was fired, but then Boyd threw his fit with Cubbie the very next day.

For every bitter pill, there is a spoonful of sugar.

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2012 in Timbers

 

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Thoughts on the eve of Rostergeddon

Yes. I totally stole that. Credit to Roberto.

I haven’t written much lately, at least not about the Timbers. My distraction has been multifaceted and far-reaching. The words just aren’t there for me to write down or, when they are there, they’re even more awkward and disjointed than usual.

We’re all waiting for it: some shocking announcement that sends a beloved, respected player somewhere unfathomable in exchange for…nothing. That’s been the pattern, hasn’t it?

Changes are afoot. Kosuke Kimura to NYRB, Michael Harrington from SKC and Will Johnson from RSL. There are about a bazillion other rumors, some more plausible than others, all currently unsubstantiated.

Who’s busy packing? Purdy, maybe Futty, hopefully Palmer. I’m working under the assumption that both my Scots are gone and not coming back. Who else will go?

There’s been a lot of chatter about Merritt’s vacuum tweet. And I naively want to read it differently than the rest of you.

keep in mind many moves aren’t made in a vacuum. Often other deals are part of the thinking and announcement timing isn’t aligned…

So, that was two weeks ago and I’ve been obsessing over it ever since. Is this one of those Brian Ching things where we let someone we really like go and then pick them up on the other side of the street when no one’s looking? Or is it that, instead of the wacky seven-team-trades that we’ve all been carefully mapping out, is it as simple as Merritt telling us that we’ve been heard?

People have been shouting about offloading Kimura since about ten minutes after he got here. And now he’s on his way to join Kenny in New York – where he will become assist leader in 2013. If we, collectively, have been heard, Palmer and Wallace will be gone by the end of the week and we’ll have the positions filled that needed filling at this time last year.

Whatever. I don’t know what’s going to happen this week. I just know it’s not going to be simple, it’s not going to be easy and I’m sure that I’ll end up in tears over it at least twice. I am, as one of my fellow bloggers tweeted, the godmother of emotional PTFC moments and I expect that this will be a very, very emotional week.

Helmets on, kids. Safety harnesses secured? Get ready. Rostergeddon is upon us.

12.3.12 Update 8:00 a.m.: I hadn’t even made it to work this morning before this was on Twitter – http://www.kansascity.com/2012/12/02/3945413/harrington-to-portland-thats-news.html. Dammit, Cubbie.

 
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Posted by on December 2, 2012 in Timbers

 

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Heartburn

Offseason, Day 20.

We’ve begun the speculation part of our program. We’re watching other teams fire their coaches and release their under-performing players. We’re discussing the impending arrival of Caleb Porter and who will be released from our roster.

Rumor. Conjecture. Heartburn.

Merritt says announcements may come as early as next week. I’m a big ball of messy emotions. I hate this part.

Sure, there are a few players I think I can more easily let go of than others (there’s a little Jamaican I wouldn’t mind driving to the airport), but, for the most part, I’ll be sad to see any of these guys go.

This is, if you’ll remember, the same group of guys that held such promise last spring. I’m still kind of stunned that this is how we ended up. It’s going to take a long time to get over that.

There are those around me who are hoping for a full-scale house-cleaning. Get rid of as many of them as you can and start from square one. I’m not, mostly due to my sentimental nature, on that side of the fence.

We have talent that’s been left untapped. I don’t think this chapter is over yet. There’s a lot left to be written.

I’d like to see another few words about Steven Smith and Eric Alexander paired on the left with an occasional paragraph or two with Eric in the center.

I’d like a page or two where David Horst wears the captain’s armband.

I want to see more words about Bright Dike, who seems recently to be writing his own story, and more about a half dozen of the younger guys. I want a chapter in which Darlington Nagbe becomes a superstar.

And, as you all know, I’m not done reading Kris Boyd’s comeback story.

Lots of the writers and bloggers that surround this team have been working through the current roster, deciding who they believe should stay and who should go. Some of the things written have been poignant, educated, inspired. Some of it has been drivel. The one constant is this: we don’t know who will go and who will stay and we have absolutely no say in the matter anyway.

I know who I’d vote off the island. I know who I’d keep. I know some of the ones I’d like to keep will probably be on the chopping block, but I will continue to love them and defend them from the idiots who never understood their value. Because that’s what I do. Because these are my boys.

Someone hand me the Tums.

 
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Posted by on November 16, 2012 in Timbers

 

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Clearly.

I’ve been ranty for about twelve hours now. That’s a long time for me to be ranty.

Usually, I rant in short bursts, a few minutes at a time, much the way I exercise. A few minutes here, a few minutes there. Short attention span, wander off.

As I write, this is Offseason Day 12. Twelve hours of ranting for Day 12.

We started out this morning with a few delusions from Merritt, the sorts of things we’ve come to expect from him. He says he didn’t expect that Kris Boyd wouldn’t start all the time. He says the fans just have to be patient because, obviously, we don’t understand the foundation of this team.

Wait. Let’s back up. Did he just urge patience? The guy that fired his coach mid-season? Oh, okay. That makes total sense. Clearly, Merritt and I would have a lot to talk about if anyone would let me get close enough to ask him a few questions.

I could spend a few hundred words about patience and foundation (starting with why’d you trade Kenny away for allocation money when you could have fixed the problem with a decent midfield signing that might have allowed you to do this painfully slow development of young players thing you seem to be stuck on?). But I won’t. Mostly because I’m tired. Because I’ve been ranting all day.

This offseason stuff is exhausting. So much has happened, but I think my soul is still recovering from the last match. It was a painful and disappointing and sad night but, in the end, I was put face to face with my two Scots in a bar I love but am soon losing. That’s right, both of them. Somewhere on the internet, there is photographic evidence that this was not just a figment of my imagination.

It’s been a whirlwind. It feels like that last match was yesterday. And four years ago. I can’t explain.

Apparently Kimura’s in Poland? I took a swing and tried to get some sort of official word from the FO, but the best I could get was the promise of an “official statement regarding current roster players” closer to the MLS Cup. For those who haven’t put it on their calendar, that will be December 1.

Speaking of calendars, this is happening:

http://rctidlady.tumblr.com/

All the credit in the world goes to Michelle DeFord and Brenda Vaughn and all the folks involved in putting this together. I saw the galleys tonight and the whole thing is gorgeous. Proceeds will go to Harper’s Playground. Buy a calendar. Seriously. They’ll be available just in time for holiday gift-giving.

I’ll have more (coherent) words in a few days when I calm down from witnessing Kenny Cooper’s new team let him down just moments before spending two hours watching Nick Rimando’s team let him down. Oof. I don’t even make sense anymore. Clearly.

 
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Posted by on November 8, 2012 in Timbers

 

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October and everything after…

October has felt strange and unfamiliar to me this year.

I’ve written about her for more than a decade, her traditions, her quirks, her unique personality. But this year, she was quiet. She didn’t whisper to me as she has in the past. She didn’t give me the words I have shared with you over the years.

Part of it, I’m sure, is that October and I embraced so fully, so completely last year. Pumpkin patch trips and a day in wine country and, on the very last night of October, a few hours spent communing with restless spirits in an historic cemetery, October was a gracious hostess last year.

I had a few moments this year when I felt her spirit, but for the most part, she remained elusive. I kept waiting for her call, for her to arrive on my doorstep, but she never did.

I’ve seen hide nor hair of a scary movie. Where are the Draculas, the Frankensteins, even the Freddys and Jasons? Where are the ghosts and goblins and the things that go bump in the night?

Bats and black cats and orange plastic pumpkins with handles that cut into our hands when they are filled too full of candy begged from neighbors. Haunted houses filled with dry ice smoke, strobe-light illuminated zombies and gallons of oozy, sticky fake blood.

Where were they?

Apples baked with walnuts and brown sugar, those horrible peanut butter taffies wrapped in black and orange waxed paper, T. Marzetti’s caramel dip with crisp green Granny Smith apples. The scent of hot apple cider, of wet fallen leaves turning to mulch, of the pumpkin spice latte from that coffee place from the north whose name we dare not speak.

I feel like I missed most of this. I’ve often said that October is a state of mind, an emotion too big to be contained in 31 days in the fall. I’m hoping that’s true. I’m hoping that, as has happened in the past, there will be a day in January or in March or in the dead of summer when something will strike me as being incredibly October.

Until that time, I’m operating on the assumption that the few October Thoughts I put forward this year, lackluster though they were, may be the last ones.

My writing has turned elsewhere, my heart was dizzy from trying to keep up with my two major blog subjects at the same time while also trying to prepare to write – seriously write – a novel in November. As a result, all three suffered. And, as it turns out, October, with the tens or thousands of words I’ve written about her, was the easiest to leave behind. I have no doubt she’ll forgive me. She did quite fine without me before.

Thanks to all who’ve come along for the ride, and especially to those who were there at the very beginning, in that big blue van with the red Fender fender somewhere in Wisconsin, when October was all apples and fallen leaves and a gigantic bag of Chex Mix.

Happy October.

 
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Posted by on October 31, 2012 in October 2012

 

October 26, 2012: Great literature of October

The key here, of course, is that not all great October literature involves stories that take place in October.

When October rolls around, there are three obvious choices at the top of my list.

Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Stoker’s Dracula was certainly not the first literary vampire, but is undeniably the one that has had the greatest influence on modern vampire lore. Prior to Stoker’s telling of the tale, the vampire was a monstrous thing, but Stoker made the vampire a creature of (albeit bloodthirsty) romance. Without him, we don’t get Anne Rice’s vampires or, regrettably, Twilight. Bram, will brilliant, owes us a bit of an apology, doesn’t he?

Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

Shelley’s Frankenstein predates Dracula by almost 80 years. I hadn’t realized this until just now and I’m awed by it. Written during a rainy holiday near Lake Geneva in Switzerland, it is arguably one of the first instances of what we now term “science fiction.” If you haven’t read it, I would suggest trying to find a copy of the 1818 version rather than the more common, heavily-edited 1831 publication.

Washington Irving’s Legend of Sleepy Hollow

For all of you ‘Merricuns, Irving’s book of short stories offers a glimpse into early-American life and are some of few pieces of literature from that period still in print. And how can you not be scared of the Headless Horseman.

Speaking of the Headless Horeseman, I’ll just leave this here:

Happy October.

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2012 in October 2012

 

October 25, 2012: From the vault

I know, I’ve been slacking on the October stuff this year. How many years can one continue to write about candy corn. So, here’s a little something from the vault:

When I look back over my years of writing about October, it’s easy to see a pattern.

What makes October special?

Is it the sound associated with October? The howl of the werewolf at the full moon, the crinkle of cellophane as you pull it away from the caramel apple, the wind moving fallen leaves?

Is it the smell of October? The dark earthen musk of those same fallen leaves after the rain, the scent of the freshly cut jack’o’lantern, the sweet spiciness of hot cider?

Is it the flavor, the texture, the anticipation of a holiday waaaaay at the end of the month? What is it?

It’s more than that.

I won’t speak for anyone else, but when you read this, look back. October, for me anyway, is a month-long remembrance of my childhood.

It’s camping out on the floor in front of my friend Holly’s tv to watch the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. It’s the Halloween carnival at school. It’s the Halloween party when I was 7 (?) with the plastic spiders strung on fishing line. It’s trick-or-treating in Palm Springs and, yes, trying to shove those popcorn balls into that little plastic pumpkin.

It’s the awful, muddy trips to the pumpkin patch with my cousins when we first moved to Oregon. It was in October so long ago that I found myself in Portland, a city I now proudly claim as my own.

It’s the memory of a simpler time in all of our lives. October, even as fantastic as this one has been so far, will never compare to the Octobers of our childhood.

Happy October. Remember.

 
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Posted by on October 25, 2012 in October 2012

 

Okay, listen up, Portland sports journos.

Let me make this simple for you: the Timbers, a Major League Soccer franchise located here in the City of Roses, are here to stay.

You can bitch, you can moan, you can become whiny and cranky and stomp your feet and shake your fists at the clouds above and kick puppies but the fact remains, the Timbers and their Army are not going anywhere.

That said, I think it’s high time you started to learn a thing or two about the Timbers and the culture that surrounds them. When you’re ready, I’ll be happy to point you to folks that can give you insight into our history, our passion, our commitment to this team and this town.

In the meantime, I’ll offer a few words about the Cascadia Cup.

Established in 2004 by the supporters groups of the three Cascadia teams – the Timbers, the Seattle Sounders and the Vancouver Whitecaps – the cup is awarded to club that takes the most points from the other two Cascadian teams. It’s not hard to understand. The not-terribly-complicated rules can be found, spelled out in their simplest form, at http://www.thecascadiacup.com/. You’re professionals, you should be able to Google this stuff.

What might be harder to understand is the importance of the Cup. Especially to Timbers fans. Especially after this mess of a season.

See, we started our season with the highest of expectations. The arrival of Kris Boyd. An exciting pre-season tournament. A win for the home opener. “Playoffs in the second year,” Merritt told us. And many of us believed him.

But it wasn’t long before things started to unravel and before the halfway point in the season, we’d lost to an amateur team and our coach had been fired. We had a nine-game stretch during the summer when we didn’t win a match. There were three games in a row during that stretch when we didn’t score a single goal.

What I mean to say is this: it hasn’t been the easiest of seasons. But we’re still here. We still line up hours before every match and sing until every player is off the field. We travelled en masse to Seattle to face an arguably stronger, playoff-bound team in their home stadium. Over 1,500 of us, Steve, on eighteen buses, on trains, in dozens of cars. People flew in from all over the country. This girl came from Wisconsin to see a team she listens to on the radio but never gets to see in person.

So, Steve, when you say stuff like this, it isn’t entirely accurate:

The lonely corner of the planet where you can never hope to attract unique coaches, talent or brands. The moss-backed abyss where no one dares to dream big or loud or fast or …

We did dream big. We still dream big. We’re just occasionally disappointed. It doesn’t mean we stop dreaming. It means we have more time to dream bigger.

In those two weeks between the ridiculous loss in Seattle and the Cascadia Cup win in Vancouver, we had plenty of time to dream. And lament. And rage. And laugh. And recharge.

We got tossed unceremoniously from the US Open Cup in May. We saw the team crumble mid-summer. We’re saddled with an interim coach who doesn’t seem to get that the season didn’t end in July. The Cascadia Cup was the last thing within reach.

We could have taken it during the Sounders’ visit to Portland in September, but we didn’t.

We could have taken it during our trip north to the Emerald City two weeks ago, but we didn’t.

We were forced to go into Vancouver, to play against a team fighting for a playoff spot. In order to secure the Cup, we needed to win on the road, something we hadn’t been able to do all season.

And, when it came right down to it, the importance of the Cup is what pushed our boys forward, what inspired them to perform at the level necessary to get those three points. They wanted it not for themselves, but for us.

And now we have it. It doesn’t erase the stupidity of this season, but it gives us much-needed a reason to celebrate.

So, Dwight, you can scoff if you like. It doesn’t change the fact that this Cup means something to us. It’s more than a trophy. It’s a covenant between the players and the fans, the acknowledgement that this season has been difficult for all parties involved and a promise that things will get better.

I have to wonder, in your years of writing sports professionally, if you’ve become so jaded that you don’t remember what it’s like to be completely committed to your team. Beyond that, I wonder if you ever had a team to which you were fully committed.

I have to admit, the experience is relatively new to me and has been, at times, alarming. How did I find myself so in love?

And then I look around me and realize that I’m surrounded by others – thousands of others – who are just as enamored, just as in love as I am.

And then you, Steve and Dwight and John (whom I haven’t previously mentioned, but seems to fit in perfectly here), just seem sad and lonely and desperate when you lash out at things you obviously don’t understand and are unwilling to learn about.

We don’t need your approval, gentlemen. And your derision is unwelcome.

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2012 in Timbers

 

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October 23, 2012: An embarrassing confession

I am absolutely not sitting here watching “Practical Magic” on the ABC Family channel.

Except that I am.

It’s one of a couple dozen movies that pop up this time every year and, because I’m a sucker for a crappy movie on a family-oriented cable channel, I’ll watch it every time it’s on. I waste so much time this way.

Anyway, it, in a very Disney/Hollywood/contrived manner touches on a bunch of October topics, the most obvious is the icon of Halloween: the witch.

I’ve known witches for years. Not the Disney/Hollywood type, but followers of what I have long referred to as the Earth religions: Wicca and the like. It’s all interesting stuff if you’re someone with an open mind (which many people sadly do not possess), these old belief systems and their newer, revised counterparts.

I love that many of them revolve not around feast days that celebrate individual humans or specific events, but instead follow a more organic calendar, tied to the passing of the seasons.

October 31 not only marks the more commercialized holiday that we know as Halloween, but is also still celebrated around the world as Samhain (or, in the southern hemispheres, Beltane). It the most common terms, it is the New Year for many of the old religions, Wicca and Druidism at the forefront.

It is, as has been so often written, a time when it is believe that the veil between this world and the next is at its thinnest, when we can most easily communicate with those who have gone ahead of us.

I’ll write a little more about all of this over the next few days as many of our Halloween traditions stem from the observance of Samhain.

Happy October.

 
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Posted by on October 23, 2012 in October 2012