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Well, that was…something.

I’m fine. Really.

Numb. Frayed at the edges. A couple bruises. Nothing I didn’t expect from Day One of Rostergeddon.

Kimura to NYRB. Purdy, Palmer and, possibly, Wallace out. Brunner to Houston. Smith gone.

That’s right.

Brunner to Houston. Smith gone.

I thought I’d prepared myself for this. With the leaks Sunday, it didn’t appear that we’d have any huge surprises. And, theoretically, we didn’t. I just wasn’t ready to let go.

Brunner was unexpected, but understandable. And, as I said yesterday, I fully expect that both my Scots are already gone. But the confirmation of the first departure, which came from Smith himself via Twitter, stunned me anyway.

I know this is a business and everything that happened today was a business decision. I know this.

But it’s a business where we share our highs and lows, our failures and our triumphs on a very personal level. It’s become clear to me that I feel it more than many. Over the last six months, I’ve come to envy those who don’t take it to heart as much as I do. They live happier, simpler lives.

Happier and simpler, but without the same color. Even on a painful day such as this, I wouldn’t trade a minute of despair for a moment of being blissfully unaware.

For every day like this one, there is another. For every day of loss, there is a day of victory.

I took the Kenny Cooper trade pretty hard last year, but I was rewarded (I know some of you will debate whether this was an actual reward or not) with Kris Boyd. The CalFC match was by far one of the lowest points of the season, but the win over Seattle followed quickly. Spenny was fired, but then Boyd threw his fit with Cubbie the very next day.

For every bitter pill, there is a spoonful of sugar.

 
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Posted by on December 3, 2012 in Timbers

 

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Heartburn

Offseason, Day 20.

We’ve begun the speculation part of our program. We’re watching other teams fire their coaches and release their under-performing players. We’re discussing the impending arrival of Caleb Porter and who will be released from our roster.

Rumor. Conjecture. Heartburn.

Merritt says announcements may come as early as next week. I’m a big ball of messy emotions. I hate this part.

Sure, there are a few players I think I can more easily let go of than others (there’s a little Jamaican I wouldn’t mind driving to the airport), but, for the most part, I’ll be sad to see any of these guys go.

This is, if you’ll remember, the same group of guys that held such promise last spring. I’m still kind of stunned that this is how we ended up. It’s going to take a long time to get over that.

There are those around me who are hoping for a full-scale house-cleaning. Get rid of as many of them as you can and start from square one. I’m not, mostly due to my sentimental nature, on that side of the fence.

We have talent that’s been left untapped. I don’t think this chapter is over yet. There’s a lot left to be written.

I’d like to see another few words about Steven Smith and Eric Alexander paired on the left with an occasional paragraph or two with Eric in the center.

I’d like a page or two where David Horst wears the captain’s armband.

I want to see more words about Bright Dike, who seems recently to be writing his own story, and more about a half dozen of the younger guys. I want a chapter in which Darlington Nagbe becomes a superstar.

And, as you all know, I’m not done reading Kris Boyd’s comeback story.

Lots of the writers and bloggers that surround this team have been working through the current roster, deciding who they believe should stay and who should go. Some of the things written have been poignant, educated, inspired. Some of it has been drivel. The one constant is this: we don’t know who will go and who will stay and we have absolutely no say in the matter anyway.

I know who I’d vote off the island. I know who I’d keep. I know some of the ones I’d like to keep will probably be on the chopping block, but I will continue to love them and defend them from the idiots who never understood their value. Because that’s what I do. Because these are my boys.

Someone hand me the Tums.

 
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Posted by on November 16, 2012 in Timbers

 

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I don’t even…

Here’s another one where I start by telling you I don’t know where to start.

I woke up this morning inexplicably filled with love: love for my city, my club, my fellow TA.

And then I remembered Gavin.

I’ve had a headache ever since.

It wasn’t enough that we suffered through CalFC. This time, we got on buses, traveled 180 miles each way and were rewarded with what? Gavin’s try-outs for next season.

Hey, Gavin. That Cup means something to us. You disrespect us and the club by using what could have been the deciding match as a try-out for next season. This could have defined our season, could have salvaged what little hope we have left that we’re not the worst team out there run by the most incapable coaching staff available.

No, that’s not fair. This shouldn’t fall on the shoulders of the entire coaching staff. Just you, Gavin.

It was inexplicable, inexcusable to have fielded the team you did in Seattle. With Eric Alexander and Steven Smith on the bench? And, at this point, to play Ricketts over Bendik was asinine.

I mean, since we’re just doing try-outs for next season, right? Where were Richards and Kawulok and AJB and Renken and Rincon? If we’re just trying them out, where were the kids?

I’ll tell you where they were: not on the pitch. Most probably not even in Seattle.

What a line of horse-crap Gavin’s trying to feed us.

So, again, I’m going to say this:

I can’t believe we fired John Spencer. Those philosophical differences? Were they rooted in Spenny wanting to win and not being allowed to hold the reins long enough to steer us away from the cliff?

I don’t understand any of this.

I don’t think I’m alone.

And I don’t think it comes from admittedly knowing nothing about soccer. I know what I saw. I know what I wanted to see. They were not the same thing.

The #GWOut thing had kind of settled a bit. Somehow, I doubt that it’s going to stay settled if that Cup doesn’t get handed to us in Vancouver. Honestly, Gavin, if you don’t bring it back with you, just stay there.

I don’t ask for much. I want just two things: a line-up that doesn’t make me rage and that Cup. With Gavin at the helm, I doubt I’ll get either.

I’ll have more about the actual experience of #SeattleAway in a couple days. I’ll need a bit more time to process all of it.

 
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Posted by on October 8, 2012 in Timbers

 

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